I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
