I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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