Someone shit on the floor
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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