i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
