the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
