her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
