my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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