So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
