I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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