Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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