I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
