wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
