We named our party play list daddy issues
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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