I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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