I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
