3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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