hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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