While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
