If i could tip my vagina, i would.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
