So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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