If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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