Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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