whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
