what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
