I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
