So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You were trust falling into bushes
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
