I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
