god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
