Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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