apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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