YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
