Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
