The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
