Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
