oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
