You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she peed on how many people?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
