He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
