dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
she woke up with a sticky ear
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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