we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
