that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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