I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
