My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize