can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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