Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
