I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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