Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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