Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You made out with two different species that night
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
