remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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