i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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