Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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