ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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