So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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