I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
