having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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