Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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