Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
