I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
