I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize