That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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