Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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