I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
