Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
