R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
