Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
