Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
it's like heaven, but drunker
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
