Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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