I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
