We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
