Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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