oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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