I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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