watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
