Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
