Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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